Cream of the Planet

Sensual, Thoughtful, and Very Naughty

Shadow

 

Shadow

When I was a little boy, my mother committed suicide. Her choice to leave and all that I will never feel from or share with her has become, in a psychological sense, my “shadow”.

We all have a shadow but what is a shadow? Famed psychologist, Carl Jung, used this term to describe a part of our psyche hidden from view. The shadow is that part of us hidden from light. It is our dark side, but this isn’t the same as saying it is our evil side. Still, we fear it and press it into our personal unconscious.

There is the potential to develop a phobia around the cause(s) of our shadow. This leads us to avoid, suppress, fear, and run from our darkness. On the other side of the scale, we may face our shadow in a way that is counter-phobic. Instead of fear and/or avoidance, we confront the darkness of our deepest fear over and over and over. Phobia and counter-phobia are both extremes. We need to look to the scales of Libra and seek balance.

Riding along with our shadow, we have our persona. Our persona is what others see when they look at us. It is our light and the collection of masks we wear when interacting in the outer world. A person can be shadow dominated or persona dominated. It is through the journey of personal discovery and the merging of our shadow and persona that we progress towards wholeness of being. If we succeed in this journey, we approach the archetype of our greatest individual potentialβ€”Self.

My mother, regardless of reasons or her intent, dropped the emotional equivalent of a nuclear bomb on me. My journey took on a different color and I felt cast into what I know call the Battle of Evermore. This place is titled after a song filled with metaphors that takes me there to that space. It ends with a gut wrenching plea to bring the balance back.

Lyrical Reference: Led Zeppelin’s Battle of Evermore

Long before I became aware of the constructs of persona and shadow, I was drawn to the contrast of light and darkness and the magical interplay of colors in the transition…in the afterglow. I have often looked at the scales of Libra with much more than a passing glance. Thinking about psychology using modern-day mythology or culture, the origin story of Batman and his journey has lingered as more than a childhood fascination.

I have two letters from my mother. One is a birthday card. I didn’t know this card existed until it fell out of my grandmother’s bible while I was unpacking during my last move. I must have read it a hundred times in a row. It literally brought me to my knees. The other letter is her suicide note. I’ve read it once. I wish I had been more organized as a child and saved her memories. I save all love letters and cards now.

Children are resilient and life is really, really good. I smile a lot and it comes from a genuine space. I am happy. I have fun and wake up excited (after coffee anyway) about the day ahead. I am as motivated as ever before and my dreams are greater than my memories. Still, I am a thinker…I want to know more.

I have more questions than answers and seek to understand it all on a deeper level. Why have I done certain things? What have I been searching for? Have I balanced Libra’s scale? I think about the tragedy in Batman’s origin story and his motivation. I’m unsettled by one sentence in a song by The Who, “My love is vengeance that’s never free.” Will there ever be enough “wine, women, and song” in this world to fill the void she left behind? Did I want to fuck every woman in the world or did I want to make love to every woman? The name of my blog, Cream of the Planet, is a nod to that question. Have I wanted every woman to know that there is always light…to ensure that no woman hurts the way she did? Or, do I want to dance in their darkness without fear? Does love always die?

Each Halloween I dress as Batman, and it is much more than a whimsical choice. As for the utility belt, I am sure to be packing. If you’re going to work at night, you need the proper tool(s)…

"Pissed Off Batman"

The exploration of concepts in this post is moved forward in “Dawn of Understanding“.

 

43 comments on “Shadow

  1. mysecretme75
    January 10, 2016

    This makes sense at first reading though I’m sure I’ll still ponder on it for awhile. I’m a Libra. While I don’t put much stock in astrology I’ve always felt particularly in tune with the libra. I am forever looking for a balance in the scales. Also Batman has always been my favorite superhero. I like that his lightness was born out of a darkness and that both are forever a part of him. And, unlike the popular vote, Michael Keaton will ALWAYS be Batman to me. Always.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      January 10, 2016

      I like the “lightness born out of darkness” thought. I knew you would have a pearl to share. πŸ™‚ I’m with you on Astrology but it is fun to toss around…especially when we fulfill our sign. So, you are a Libra? I’m sure this one of many reasons I’m drawn to your blog. πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

      • mysecretme75
        January 10, 2016

        I enjoy your posts. They give my brain a good work out. Yes, for as much as I think astrology is bologna I do embody all the Libran aspects.

        Drawn because of the balance? Or because of your sign? πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

        • Michael
          January 12, 2016

          Haha, great catch! I thought I was being stealthy. The answer would be yes…to both! πŸ™‚

          Liked by 1 person

          • mysecretme75
            January 12, 2016

            Well now you obviously have to share your sign…

            Liked by 1 person

            • Michael
              January 12, 2016

              Oh that’s right, ha! I used to have a lion in honor of Leo before going to my more “modest” gravatar…

              Liked by 1 person

            • mysecretme75
              January 12, 2016

              Modest! Ha! πŸ™‚

              Liked by 1 person

            • mysecretme75
              January 12, 2016

              What would fire be without air???

              Like

  2. tiffanybeingfree
    January 10, 2016

    Michael, My heart goes out to yours, I can only try to understand your process.

    It’s a tribute to you that you have become the man you are, having made the decision at some point to travel through life with a greater sense of happiness, something you had to learn on your own.

    It also sounds like you were young enough that you still viewed your mother very much as a Goddess, and may be part of why you so easily see the beauty/Goddess aspect in each woman you meet. (I believe it was in the post about Paris that you mentioned you find all women beautiful.) It’s amazing to me that you have chosen to focus on seeing the beauty in women, where you could so easily choose to focus on hating women for having been abandoned by your mother.

    I too, have tried to understand the psychology behind suicide. It is the antithesis of survival, a concept that is so hardwired into our genetics even down to a cellular level. It is my understanding of severe depression that sufferers are convinced that their lives are so worthless that the lives of family and friends would actually be better without them. The fog is so thick that they lack any empathy, thus they are unable to see for a second how their absence will in any way negatively impact others.

    I saw this first-hand with a friend, who luckily survived the attempt. I spent the day with her in ICU, while my mom watched her daughter who was 6 at the time. My friend could not see through her daughter’s eyes and was convinced life would be better for her family without her. I’m grateful that she survived and that I was able to be of service to her and her family at that time. Her husband was a wreck, understandably.

    While my mother survived, she also attempted to take her life at least twice since my birth. Once when I was a little girl; the events of which I have blocked from conscious memory. The second attempt was when I was an adult. I was the one to call 911… It was not until the second attempt that she was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. This is often a missed diagnosis. My mother had been in counseling for many years, but was only treated for depression. My grandmother had the same disorder; her final attempt was successful. Given the family history, and my love for the extremes, I had to be convinced by several mental health professionals that I did not have this disorder…

    Michael, I can see how Batman is a strong archetype for you. It’s inspiring that you have discovered so much about yourself through this process and are willing to share it with others. I hope my sharing of experiences gives you some new insights.

    Much love to you, Tiffany

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Michael
    January 12, 2016

    Thank you Tiffany πŸ™‚ As you can imagine, I am very sorry to hear about your mother and what you experienced. I know one thing with certainty…I will never understand why. Your comment about Goddess resonates. I did create a category by that name…perhaps there is an insight to be marshaled. Thanks so much for your kind words…I will come back to them over time as the exploration continues. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. mysecretme75
    January 12, 2016

    I have turned this post over in my head several times as it fits completely parallel with some thinking I have done over the weekend regarding the plot, or moral, of a certain movie I just watched. I intend to expand on this in my own blog post and sincerely hope you take no issues with me doing so. Please let me know if you do. I will attempt to do your post justice. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      January 13, 2016

      I’m always flattered when one post leads to another, and I can’t wait to read your post πŸ™‚

      Like

  5. Carisa Adrienne
    January 12, 2016

    Michael, ❀️ X ❀️=. infinity 🌟✨❀️

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. mysecretme75
    January 21, 2016

    Did you update the header image on this post? I haven’t noticed it before but I like it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      January 21, 2016

      I did πŸ™‚ The other one was a little too brooding to see every time I went to my home page, ha! I think the new really ties in well with the post…plus, it is hot!

      Like

  8. Kally
    January 22, 2016

    Thank you for following me and I love how creative you are and the wonderful posts. I’ll be back to read more of it!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      January 22, 2016

      Thank you, Kally πŸ™‚ You are so thoughtful and I appreciate you visiting and taking a moment to comment. I look forward to exploring your blog as well…it is very motivational and well done. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Kristi
    January 24, 2016

    Michael, you and I have spoken about your mother’s departure from this life before and I just want to reiterate that you will always have my support, hugs, love, comfort and deepest sympathies.

    I’m going to be bold and answer your questions you’ve asked yourself here.

    “Will there ever be enough β€œwine, women, and song” in this world to fill the void she left behind?” I think the answer is No. No one could ever fill that void and guess what? That’s okay. No one should, no one should want to and you shouldn’t want anyone to either. Maybe, try to think of it less as a void where she’s not there but more so as a vast open space where there is room for her and all your loves you let into that space.

    “Did I want to fuck every woman in the world or did I want to make love to every woman?” Why not both? What would be so wrong with that. πŸ™‚

    “Have I wanted every woman to know that there is always light…to ensure that no woman hurts the way she did? Or, do I want to dance in their darkness without fear?” Hmmmm, Yes and Yes would be my guess. I think deep down you know the answers

    Does love always die? I think it depends on the person. If you want it to, than yes it can and will. If you believe and accept that there is enough love to go around then it will always live on.

    Of course I’m an optimist and would rather believe in the possibilities of life and love than not. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    • Michael
      January 25, 2016

      Sweet, beautiful Kristi :-* Thank you for such a thoughtful reply on this and the last version too. Your thoughts are something that I will revisit when I try to make sense of my thoughts and draw conclusions. You did open my mind to the possibilities of “Yes and Yes” I just wonder if my relationship with women is on overdrive…like an obsession almost. You are so very encouraging and supportive…and I do appreciate you taking the time to think through this with me. I will definitely return to your comments again and, for now, they have given me some peace. Maybe I’m just a hot blooded man with a high sex drive and it is okay that I want you in my bed! πŸ˜‰

      Like

      • Kristi
        January 26, 2016

        you are most welcome Michael. you know maybe you are going through a period where your relationships with women is in overdrive. is that bad? i don’t think it’s necessarily out of the ordinary to want to be with women and lots of them. and when you are you… with your sexy little happy trail, model bum and not so itty bitty cock it sure as hell doesn’t hurt in attracting them. hehe πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

        • Michael
          January 26, 2016

          Mmmm, you are tapping into the mind play kink that I haven’t introduced on this blog…yet. Definitely created a major rush here, whew! πŸ™‚

          Like

  10. Selina
    January 25, 2016

    I am sorry about your mom but I can see where you would feel pulled to Batman…sort of the same way I am pulled to Catwoman…it is a means of releasing the darkness that is housed deep within.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      January 26, 2016

      Thank you, Selina. I like your Catwoman analogy…tapping into and releasing the darkness. I thought you would totally get this and you did. πŸ™‚ Love this comment!

      Liked by 1 person

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  15. Mary Cathleen Clark
    March 22, 2016

    A loved one’s suicide is a pain one carries forever. I can relate because it happened to me. Wishing you the best on your journey…

    Liked by 1 person

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  17. Misfit Mystic
    August 1, 2016

    I am also a Libra, does that surprise you? The balancing of light and dark can be very Zen, indeed. It all exists as What Is.
    Being a passionate man is beautiful, and I admire how you have held on to passion and love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      August 1, 2016

      Thank you, mysterious (not-so-misfit) mystic πŸ™‚ It doesn’t surprise me that you are a Libra. Btw, I promise my downward gaze was at your scales…well, at least some of the time, ha! πŸ˜‰ Seriously though, thanks for giving this one a read and your kind words…you have a giving spirit. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

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  20. Vegas
    November 6, 2016

    I shed tears as I read deeper into this. Michael, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m afraid of my dark side. I’ve been able to keep my shadow at bay for the last few months, but always worried it would find a way to escape and come for me.
    This post was so beautifully written. I can feel your passion, despair, and sadness. I know I’m too late to the party to comment, but I had to let you know. We can be each others light, my friend. And you can always be my Batman. ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael
      November 6, 2016

      Thank you, Beautiful ❀ This was a tough one to write and share but it is a key part of my story and journey for deeper understanding. I hope to learn about your shadow as well. Thanks for commenting on this one and sharing your thoughts. You are shinning light right now ❀ Mmmm, I can't wait for you to remove my utility belt…you are radiating sexy Catwoman vibes! :-*

      Liked by 1 person

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This entry was posted on January 10, 2016 by in Interstellar Dust and tagged , , , , , , .
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